Well, let me tell you. If you are sick of the patterns you see happening in your life, then this a key to breaking them.
Here’s what happened.
I was really into Hip Hop dancing 17 years ago. I worked “mostly” hard at it. Struggled with a lack of confidence. Talked myself out of doing auditions. Performed a bit here and there and I taught A LOT. Don’t “they” say that those who teach can’t? Well, I personally think that is bullshit, but nonetheless, I taught A LOT of Hip Hop, but didn’t perform as much as I would have liked. Basically, I didn’t give it 100%. I talked myself out of going all the way from a lack of confidence and not feeling good enough.
A few years later, I became very interested in that stuff we call food. Mostly because I had digestion issues. To be blunt, gas. It was the gas. If anyone mentions they have digestion issues, they are usually referring to excess gas. I have no shame, so there it is. Then I learned that wheat can cause gas (digestion issues). I became fascinated with food and what we put in our bodies. I studied nutrition. It was fantastic. I’m going to shift my career. I’m going to become famous with nutrition. Well, maybe just to make enough money to survive, but I would have skipped the paparazzi. Who needs paparazzi? I started a blog. I was determined. In my head, I had people knocking down my door begging to pay me to tell them to eat more vegetables. Yep. Turns out five blog posts a year doesn’t get you much money. Basically, I didn’t give it 100%. I talked myself out of it from a lack of confidence and not feeling good enough.
Pause: I get married and have kids.
A few years later, I realize that this new career of mine encompasses way more than just nutrition. I LOVE fitness and I get a kick out of trying new ways to sweat. I also seem to love anything related to energy, psychics, chakras, positive thinking, mind over matter, breathing deep, mindfulness, helping others come up with affirmations or manifesting plans and living from my “highest self”. I decided to reinvent my blog. Welcome: Michelle GB – EAT MORE VEG, SWEAT daily, and don’t forget to BREATHE. This is so I can bring you, the reader, some of the action from my life, with the hopes to inspire and help people, bla bla, etc.
Well, I started noticing the pattern popping up. What comes to mind is Lumiere et Babette from Beauty in the Beast when Babette says “no no no, I’ve been burned by you before…” Meaning I’ve been “burned by my irritating core pattern” before. I started putting pressure on myself “I must blog I must blog I must blog…” This pressure turns it into a full out obstacle where I just can’t finish what I start. Here I am, third time it’s happening. As my mom always said, if you push the energy on something, it usually pushes the very thing you want away.
It also trickles into my every day life. I don’t finish the laundry by not folding it or not putting it away. I leave a few dirty dishes in the sink after a big clean because I think “that’s good enough”. I leave bags of clothes to give away in the hallway for a month. My partner and I joke about how I do everything 80%. These types of “unfinishings” aren’t really a big deal. It’s common that these things aren’t finished in a household with kids, but I know it’s always been there for me. Even before kids. Basically not fully caring about my living space and often saying “good enough” at the 80% mark of a project.
Why can’t I break the pattern? What is this about? I had a pretty great childhood full of love. Nothing that stands out as a reason why I don’t think I’m good enough or why I would lack confidence. I could NOT figure out why the same issues of not following through kept returning.
Enter: Core Karmic Pattern Reading or a Core Pattern Clearing by Jaya Leigh Connects. I am forever grateful Jaya Leigh.
Here’s what happened. I sit across from Jaya Leigh (it can also be done via Skype) and she does a speech to call in your spirit guides, bring in God’s white light, angels and the highest good. She does light weaving and a prayer to bring her into channeling my guides and past lives. She needs to channel them so she can give me messages from my guides that I am ready to hear. She specifically dives into the past life where my core pattern became established into my cellular memory. The entire reading is about 40 minutes and is recorded. She then emails you the recording and you have to listen to it every day for seven days. After the seven days, you have to keep listening to it to transcribe (write or type) every word you hear. There is a lot of starting and stopping and rewinding and playing it over and over and over and over again. Why you ask? So you hear EVERY. SINGLE. WORD.
The point is, you hear all the lovely things your spirit guides are saying about you. The things you know about yourself, but can’t stop the negative self talk enough to actually listen to that inner voice/your guides. The inner voice who knows you’re awesome and that you have a lot to share with the world. Having to listen to the Core Karmic Pattern Reading OVER and OVER again until the words are marked on your heart, pushes past the core pattern of not believing in yourself. You have a story as to why the pattern became cemented into your cells. That story is really cool (although don’t get caught up in the story, you want to focus on clearing the pattern that came from it).
I hear about that past life where I was a healer in the 1700s, and it went against what the churches believed. I helped a lot of people. I moved energy around like Reiki or an energy healer, but back in the 1700s, that wasn’t really accepted. It was probably considered, how do you say, F*%$ked up. A friend (he was from a family I helped with my healing) came in on a horse to warn me that word got out of the “magical healing” I was into and some men were coming to get me.
I had ample warning and I chose to stay put. I chose to stay in my home and not save myself. What? I knew that every soul has a journey and every life has to end so I felt if it was my time to go, then it was meant to be.
The last thing being shown from this past life to Jaya Leigh (by my spirit guides) is me being taken away on a horse. If you’re good at reading between the lines, I was killed.
My guides came through to Jaya Leigh and said that I absolutely could have survived. I absolutely could have continued my work, and I chose not to. I thought, what’s the point? Why bother?
I never got to share my gifts in a big way. Sounds like this lifetime. I get really excited about the things I’m passionate about, and then kerplop. I’m pumped. I think I’m taking it all the way and then I talk myself out of it. Super annoying like a half orgasm without a climax.
My spirit guides told me to just “be lighter”. Because I have a tendency to push too much on the energy with thoughts like “I NEED to” or “I SHOULD be”, it actually prevents me from moving forward. After the reading, you watch yourself and when you say things like “I NEED to” or “I SHOULD be”, it means you are stuck in the pattern. Then you need to consciously make a decision to do the opposite of what you would normally do to break the pattern. I visualized the cap of my physical “bottle” being taken off and that the energy of my gifts was flowing out lightly.
After the reading, it’s as if my guides were right beside me pulling me to see and hear what I needed to see and hear. I have since been enjoying my kids more. I am more present. I am more motivated to keep my house clean and organized (finishing what I start) and I really just feel “lighter”. I’ve also been writing a lot more and my spirit guides have been leading me to learn more about my own current healing gifts. Books that I need to read are appearing out of no where. Opportunities are arising so I can easily experience different elements/aspects of the energy healing world. I was very inspired to go meet a wonderful lady – Dr. Margot McKinnon who gave me the “to do” list I needed. She randomly gave me an intuitive reading and said to write 1000 words, five days a week, for six months. Such a simple thing, but I wouldn’t have thought of that on my own. Our spirit guides send us to the people we are supposed to meet and learn from. Thank you Doctor! Here I am writing 1000 words. I will be writing more on my experience with Dr. Margot McKinnon soon.
It’s now been three months since I had the Core Pattern Reading done. I feel happier and I have faith that I’m headed in the right direction. When I notice myself falling back into the pattern, I listen to the reading again so I can be reminded of the gifts I have to share with the world. This brings me motivation and then I get off the couch. It definitely is a work in progress, but I have set goals and I know where I’m headed. Thanks again Jaya Leigh.
I can’t wait to see where this takes me now that the core pattern has been acknowledged and broken. I will conquer you!
EAT MORE VEG, SWEAT daily and don’t forget to BREATHE.
Michelle GB