If I could go back 15 years, I would do it all over again from a different angle. I would trust differently. That’s right. I would trust myself. I would trust in my abilities.
I was a friggin’ good dancer. I used to rock it at the clubs. I used to make up choreography 10 minutes before the class I had to teach. I rocked the classes I taught. But, I didn’t trust myself. I always thought “I’m not good enough.” “I haven’t been dancing since I was three years old like everyone else I met on the Toronto dance scene.” This resulted in me staring at the floor and not being confident at auditions. I always expected myself to screw up in the hip hop classes I took and at the auditions and sure enough – I would. I was shy in these environments (I am NOT a shy person whatsoever). I performed a little and taught a lot. It totally could have been the opposite (I know this now), but I didn’t trust myself. If I had, I would have been more focused, trained more and believed more in myself. I would have just had this “knowing/faith” that I had what it took to get where I imagined I could have. Instead, if I felt like I failed a dance class or audition, I would be discouraged and negative talk myself like crazy (which by the way is totally normal).
I’ve noticed a pattern with my life in anything I get excited about. Anything I wanted to be successful at. I talked myself out of it because I didn’t believe in my abilities or my knowledge. When I graduated from the nutrition course, it was “Why would people believe that I know what I’m talking about.” “What do I know?”. I started blogging in 2009. I did it very “half-ass”. Once a month, maybe five times in a year. Again, I talked myself out of it. What a sad way to be. It became so debilitating.
I then went on to get married to a wonderful guy, we bought a house, renovated it, moved in and had three beautiful children. You could almost say I was on a mission to have kids. I always wanted more than two. We just had our third in June of 2016 and I couldn’t be happier and feel more at peace about that part of my life. The family life/quest became a sort of distraction/excuse not to focus on my career/passions. So guess what time it is now? Yep. It’s time to get back to me and knowing that I want to do something else with my life/career besides my office job.
This project of mine. EAT MORE VEG – SWEAT – BREATHE is where the negative talk buck stops. I got sick of not believing in myself. I got sick of not owning my life. I got sick of letting my inner voices talk me out of things when I know I have so much more to offer. I’ll admit, everything I’m interested in can be incorporated into this project. Which gets me excited.
I think my mom dying in March 2016 helped push me into finally going for this and not giving an F about what people think. Life is too short and when someone that close to you dies, you realize “Wow, I could go at anytime.” “What am I waiting for?”.
There were some other things I did to move me into the “I trust myself” zone.
- I read this prayer by Julia Cameron from Prayers to the Great Creator, page 93 at night and then journaled for 15 minutes for many nights. I cannot say enough good things about this book. You don’t have to be religious to enjoy it or find it helpful. It’s about having faith in a higher God/Energy/Source and you can find a prayer that resonates with whatever you are going through. The prayer set the tone and shifted my mind to think what it needed to think. The journaling then strongly solidified the thoughts into my mind.
I trust my clarity. I open myself to know what I need to know to see clearly and accurately in all situations. I accept support for my knowledge from all sources. I allow the Universe to hold me in loving arms as I absorb all proper realizations.
- I practiced my breathing techniques daily whenever I felt stressed or when I noticed negative thoughts or comments against myself. i.e. the 4-4-4 and 4-7-8 Breaths can be found here.
- I decided to become more OPEN to other people’s knowledge. Instead of being turned off or feeling competitive/envious/jealous when someone else was doing what I wanted to be doing (more in shape, making a living off nutrition/fitness/health, living their dream, etc), I decided to join them, listen to them, take their class, hear what they had to say, read what they’re reading. I had been creating my own obstacles by letting my fears, negative talk and my EGO get in the way. Oh the EGO. That is a whole other post for another time, but here’s a great article on how too much EGO can ruin your life.
I truly believe that oral anabolic steroids we all create obstacles for ourselves with our stupid inner shit talk and I’m encouraging you to try and shut that shit down.
If any of this is resonating with you, please acknowledge when you feel crappy or talk negatively about yourself. Whether it’s in your head or out loud, it’s time to nip that in the bud. Spend some time on yourself every day.
Journaling is a great place to start. Get all your emotions out on paper and start noticing the patterns. Your patterns are most likely different than mine, but if you see your pattern is affecting your potential full potential, then it’s time to take action by shifting your thinking.
You can google “affirmations to help with ______”, or “prayers to help _____”. There is so much available on that thing they call the internet.
These are the exercises that help me on a regular basis. I don’t do them all, every day, but I will do a couple of them a few times a week.
The Challenge:
Pick one of the following exercises and practice it every day for one week. The next week, add another exercise or change to a different one.
- BREATHE deep daily and when needed (4-4-4 Breath or 4-7-8 Breath)
- Journal for 15 minutes. Write WHATEVER comes to mind.
- Notice any reoccurring negative patterns/beliefs or when your EGO is getting in the way.
- Find and say a prayer/affirmation/quote out loud three times that directly goes against any negativity you have and then start with the quote/affirmation/prayer at your next journal date.
- Be open to other people’s knowledge, success and offerings and see how letting other people’s expertise into your bubble can rub off on you.
Remember to EAT MORE VEG, SWEAT daily and don’t forget to BREATHE.
Michelle GB